Motion picture sickness

MovieIf you're having a hard time keeping some suspiciously similar movies straight these days, then you’re not alone – likewise if you're a Hollywood scriptwriter trying to come up with an original idea. But as boring as this lull in the film industry may be for audiences, it’s ideal for people who work at Blockbuster and can now easily shelve new releases into one of the following five convenient categories:

Movies with titles that allude to transit accidents
Derailed, Crash, Changing Lanes – what do all of these films have in common except the obvious? They all run on the same theme: how one chance encounter can alter the entire course of a person’s life….

Movies that sound like nature reserves
Cold Mountain, Brokeback Mountain, Mystic River, Wicker Park – if you’re the outdoors-y type, then these might sound like great destinations – but tread lightly. They all harbour a secret.

Movies with little girls that have long black hair (meant to be scary)
The Grudge, Dark Water, The Ring – if there’s one lesson to be learned from these movies, it’s that little girls with long black hair are frigging evil.

Movies about dead people a.k.a. "biopics" (not meant to be scary)
So what if the sod on their grave is still fresh – what better time to exploit commemorate beloved singers like Johnny Cash and Ray Charles.

Movies featuring animated "party animals"
Over the Hedge, Barnyard, Home on the Range, The Wild – if you’ve never seen cows go human-tipping or riding mechanical humans, then you don’t know the secret formula (talking animals + role reversals = assured hilarity and fun for the whole family).

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