Headline headaches

It's a good thing Star Jones got kicked off The View last week, because there's not much else going on in entertainment news these days. If there was, then the following headlines probably wouldn't be screaming at us from the grocery store lineups week after week:

Who's PREGNANT?
It seems like any time a female celebrity is photographed with any slight curvature in the mid-section, she is automatically assumed to be pregnant. Nicole Kidman, Nikki Hilton, Reese Witherspoon — are they expecting? Who cares? The more interesting question is: what crazy baby name will they pick? And will their child join Peaches Honeyblossom Michelle Charlotte Angel Vanessa Geldof in the fight to end ridiculous celebrity baby names?

Who's ANOREXIC?
Maybe the reason so many celebs are getting pregnant is that the only other two categories that Hollywood women seem to get pigeonholed in (fat or anorexic) aren't as appealing.

Who's SPLITTING UP?
What's with the constant speculation of Britney and K-Fed's relationship? So they eat Cheetos, like to smoke, dress kind of trashy and occasionally lose their grip on their baby, and probably, sometimes, on reality. So what? Sounds like half of my family! K-Fed wold like us to question what's really going on here with the proliferation of entertainment gossip in the mainstream news. Do we really care? Or are we coerced into caring in a conspiratorial cover-up to distract us from government administration? Further proof he is a genius playing us for fools.

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