Commercial cliches

Kool-Aid ManIn this day and age of being bombarded with advertisements everywhere you turn, it helps to insulate yourself with some good old-fashioned critical thinking. But what if you’re a mindless drone who eagerly digests every marketing morsel thrown your way during the average television commercial? Then you’d probably believe the following:

Everything takes place in an office
Are your wrists on fire, like Sally’s? Do you have nausea, heartburn, upset stomach? Indigestion, diarrhea? Or are you just interested in sharing a sensual moment enjoying the Aero bar bubbles with a co-worker? The “new hotness” in commercials seems to assume that the center of our world is a boring, sterile, monochromatic office, where your biggest reward for slaving away all day is a Kit Kat bar at break time.

I’m worth it
Oh I’m worth it, alright. I’m worth it enough to know that just because I don’t have Heather Locklear’s bleach-blonde hair doesn’t mean I’m depriving myself of something every woman should have.

There is an unspoken uniform for Moms
Apparently, it’s a pressed blue shirt. Because whether you’re dancing with a Swiffer or winking knowingly at Mr. Clean, then you’re probably wearing a blue shirt for some reason.

I can buy freedom
Who would have thought? Apparently money = freedom, and all I need to do to get it is consolidate! All this time I thought that avoiding debt in the first place was the key.

Science has made revolutionary advancements in makeup
Forget cancer research – there are scientists that look like models working ‘round the clock behind the doors of sleek, hi-tech laboratories to come up with thermal-detoxifying-hydro-lift creams that will reverse the aging process – and taste like chocolate!

A Kool-Aid jug bursting through your wall is a good thing
It must be. I’ve never seen kids so excited in all my life. I’d like to see some behind-the-scenes footage of that jug picking up pieces of drywall and apologizing to the kids’ parents for his outburst. I bet he wouldn’t be smiling then.

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