In this day and age of being bombarded with advertisements everywhere you turn, it helps to insulate yourself with some good old-fashioned critical thinking. But what if youâ€™re a mindless drone who eagerly digests every marketing morsel thrown your way during the average television commercial? Then youâ€™d probably believe the following:
Everything takes place in an office
Are your wrists on fire, like Sallyâ€™s? Do you have nausea, heartburn, upset stomach? Indigestion, diarrhea? Or are you just interested in sharing a sensual moment enjoying the Aero bar bubbles with a co-worker? The â€œnew hotnessâ€ in commercials seems to assume that the center of our world is a boring, sterile, monochromatic office, where your biggest reward for slaving away all day is a Kit Kat bar at break time.
Iâ€™m worth it
Oh Iâ€™m worth it, alright. Iâ€™m worth it enough to know that just because I donâ€™t have Heather Locklearâ€™s bleach-blonde hair doesnâ€™t mean Iâ€™m depriving myself of something every woman should have.
There is an unspoken uniform for Moms
Apparently, itâ€™s a pressed blue shirt. Because whether youâ€™re dancing with a Swiffer or winking knowingly at Mr. Clean, then youâ€™re probably wearing a blue shirt for some reason.
I can buy freedom
Who would have thought? Apparently money = freedom, and all I need to do to get it is consolidate! All this time I thought that avoiding debt in the first place was the key.
Science has made revolutionary advancements in makeup
Forget cancer research â€“ there are scientists that look like models working â€˜round the clock behind the doors of sleek, hi-tech laboratories to come up with thermal-detoxifying-hydro-lift creams that will reverse the aging process â€“ and taste like chocolate!
A Kool-Aid jug bursting through your wall is a good thing
It must be. Iâ€™ve never seen kids so excited in all my life. Iâ€™d like to see some behind-the-scenes footage of that jug picking up pieces of drywall and apologizing to the kidsâ€™ parents for his outburst. I bet he wouldnâ€™t be smiling then.