The season of slush may be just a distant memory; but now that it’s summer, the season of mush is officially upon us. And with this season of wedded bliss comes certain inevitabilities that mysteriously only seem to apply at weddings and their receptions:
People are suddenly very hungry
Judging from the way that wedding guests start rumors about and generally obsess over the much-anticipated meal, you would assume that they hadn’t eaten in weeks leading up to the wedding. What is it about fiddling with a mesh-wrapped keepsake of pink and white mints that makes people so hungry?
People are unexpectedly forgiving
Maybe itâ€™s the togetherness, maybe itâ€™s the harp music, or maybe itâ€™s just the open bar â€“ but for whatever reason, all sorts of traumatic family memories seem to not only be dragged out from the rug under which they were swept, but also commemorated in the toast to the bride/groom: â€œ…And who would have thought that this blushing bride before us once set fire to her little sister and ended up in a juvenile detention facility!â€ [Followed by hearty laughter].
Kids are tolerated for being kids
With the possible exception of Christmas, weddings are one of the only events at which kids are allowed to race around without being scolded or given the anti-climactic “countdown threat” that never reaches one.
Weddings are actually funerals for the death of freedom
Why else would people call them “bittersweet”?
“Old Time Rock & Roll” will be played at least once. Probably, twice.
This is the inter-generational song thatâ€™s meant to get everyone up on the dance floor, clapping. If you try to break tradition by sitting this one out, people will pull on your arm. If you resist further, the universe might implode.
If weddings are beginning to seem a bit cliched to you, donâ€™t be swayed toward cynicism. The next time you’re at one, just keep on remembering what they keep on emphasizing: this is the only time that the bride/groom will have all of the people they love â€“ together â€“ in the same room. Unless they get divorced and re-marry someone else, of course.